I received a letter from Peter Popoff. I did not sign up for his address list, but apparently he got my name and address from somewhere. This infamous televangelist, in the past, was found to be guilty of wearing an earpiece so that his accomplices in his sound booth could feed him personal information on people in his audience while he was claiming to get personal messages directly from God. This letter proves that, not only is he back as a regular on TV, he is also back to his old tricks. To prove this letter was sent to me personally, here is the envelope.
This is the usual opening remark from any of the thousands of Gnostic false prophets these days. I am to open the letter to read "important revelations" from God through Popoff. So I open the letter, not expecting revelations because I have read these form letters before, but out of curiosity to see what Popoff is up to now.
(1) I did not call their prayer center.
(2) Praying for me nonstop? I doubt it.
(3) Yes he did spell my name correctly, but read on to see what he got wrong.
(4) I am not dealing with any "hard things" except the normal things we all deal with in life.
(5) God then starts talking to me through Popoff (allegedly) and starts out calling me "my daughter". I guess God had no way of knowing I am a man.
(6) If "God" is calling me to follow his "prophet" Peter Popoff I am afraid that we are not talking about the same god because my God already told me to mark and avoid false prophets (Rom. 16:17).
(7) I received an envelope and immediately opened it, thus apparently breaking the blessing. Oops! But I did read the entire letter, I just didn't follow the secret magical instructions coming up in a moment.
(8) I didn't know that I could "get the results I want" from God. Silly me! I thought I was to ask, seek and knock (Matt. 7:7) according to His Word (John 15:7) and His Will (1 John 5:14).
(9) I would like to see how Popoff "anointed my name". But I'm so glad that now the "grace and favor of God" has been restored to me. Again, what a fool I have been! I thought when I was born again I was saved by grace (Eph. 2:8) and now live in grace (2 John 1:3).
Think you've seen enough? The letter goes on ...
(1) Ok. Now we're getting to that "secret" stuff we all crave.
"7 Secret Prophetic Events" are now to be revealed to me, and according
to the letter, to me alone. Remember, this is NOT a form letter,
it is a personal prophecy for me.
(2) How could I ask for more? Peter Popoff has been "assigned by God to help" me. So I had better listen to my "helper".
Of course I thought my Helper was the Lord (Heb 13:6), but I stand corrected.
(3) Wow, this beats a chain letter! I'm going to get between $1,700 and $17, 000 soon. I see there is some "17" theme developing here. Wonder what he saw for other people? $17,000,000.?
(4) I know sometimes my house is cluttered, but please excuse me if I live in a "pit" and not a "palace"!
(5) The "power of provision"? I wonder where this is in the Bible?
(6) Oh, goody. I also get to travel! But wait, there are three more "prophetic events". But I must obey what Popoff is about to tell me to activate this money and travel magic.
Read on ...
(1) Oh, joy! Here comes the fun witchcraft part of the letter.
I never knew Christians could have so much fun with "white" magic.
(2) I place a glass of water next to my bed. Angels will then "trouble" my glass of water overnight. I have to ask myself which type of angels Popoff is referring to. I am to put the sealed envelope in my pillow slip. Then in the morning I take seven sips, exactly seven, of the magic, troubled, elixir water. Now I get to open the envelope. Oops, already open!
(3) Luke 6:38 tells me to give and then God will give to me. So I need to give to Popoff then God will give to me? I thought I was to give to God and then God would give to me? In any case, I thought I was to be a cheerful giver and not expect returns, only that God will take care of me His way!
(4) Sorry, but I also did not open the "holy water" packet. I even scanned it first, likely ruining the "holy" aspect.
(5) Just a warning Popoff and the Lord apparently forgot ... if you
are writing checks you might want to make sure you are using indelible
non water-based ink or else you may have to send an unannointed check in
(6) Only $17. buys me $1,700-$17,000.? What a deal!
(7) Boy, these instructions are getting verbose. I have to write a check that has been written by my hands, both anointed with holy water, which can only be $17., then I have to return "the page" inside the sealed envelope ... oh, yes here it is ...
(8) ... but which "page" do I return? It doesn't really specify.
Will that ruin this magic?
(9) Okay, so when I send in this "page" I will get the other four events. I get it now. Kind of an ongoing revelation thing. Wonder if I will have to send in more money then?
(10) So I will finally know the "secret way" to my deliverance! Sound a little like Gnosticism to anyone? Maybe that's just me.
(11) So I can finally (though I did it already) open up the secret envelope? Where is the "powerful anointing" that is to "rush all over" me? Didn't feel that one. I guess it is because I did not follow the instructions. Okay, here's the secret envelope ...
Special instructions inside the secret envelope ...
(1) Sister Simpson. Even in the special instruction God got it
(2) I knew there was a reason I kept that water packet closed. Could it be the Holy Spirit? The water is from a spring somewhere in Southern Russia around Chernobyl! Wonder if this packet glows in the dark at night? I hope this is not another Jim Jones thing!
(3) Now I have to anoint my forehead, hands, body and door posts with this stuff. Nope, sorry, trying to quit! I have enough problems with old paint containing lead without lathering on some Chernobyl water.
(4) Now comes the prophetic word just for me (or is it a form letter?). I guess God has been holding back miracles for me and only through slathering on Chernobyl water and sending money into Popoff will God be coaxed into releasing" miracles for me. I did not know that. Now I turn the page over.
(1) So I'm supposed to fill out and return this prayer sheet and Popoff
will pray for me. I wonder ... is this like those emails that you
do not want to acknowledge for fear of them knowing they have reached a
real live person and now you are on their mailing list, and everyone else's,
for life? At any rate, will Popoff really pray for my individual
needs, or will the donation envelope be sliced open, the check retrieved,
and the rest of the contents put in the "round file"? Or perhaps
they will be used for one of the Benny Hinnesque prayer piles so that he
can look like he is praying for requests sent in but really he is only
praying for a pile of paper.
(2) Now I can "release my faith". I thought faith was in the Object of faith, Jesus Christ, and not some power I release. Man, am I off base. I did not realize just how far away from this kind of magical Christianity I was.
(3) I think this MUST be one of those confirmation email type scam things because he wants me to confirm my mailing address and he will send me a booklet on "Prosperity Thinking". Oh, I get it. Word of Faith, Robert Schuller stuff.
All in all, I am told I can have a new life. What Peter Popoff didn't realize when he sent me this letter is that my life is already hidden in Christ, and I am also dedicated to exposing and rebuking false teachers and false prophets like Popoff. I am amazed that the government allows these guys to get away with these scams. But then, since the Church allows them why should the government worry about it!