and the Prophetic Tooth Fairy
Where is PAAH-KAAA when you need it?
by Bud Press
November 29, 2011
In case you've been stranded on a desert island for the last few years,
Kris Vallotton is one of the big cheeses at Bill Johnson's Bethel church
in Redding, California. Like many hyper-Charismatics, Vallotton believes
that he and his followers are to be totally free from, uh, sickness and
disease, that is.
Well, based on Vallotton's November 24 Facebook comments, he not only
suffers pain like everyone else, it appears that he forgot to summon
the Prophetic Tooth Fairy to deliver him from his own "intense" agony and
By the way, if you're wondering what the Prophetic Tooth Fairy is,
no one knows where it originated. However, exstensive research reveals
that it likes to be called PAAH-KAAA (pronounced, PAAH-KAAA).
Anyway, as the not-so-believable story goes, PAAH-KAAA shows up out
of nowhere at hyper-Charismatic churches and revivals, and turns dental
fillings into gold--instead of, uh, replacing the entire tooth. That way,
PAAH-KAAA can return and replace the gold filling with another gold filling
when the original gold filling falls out--or the tooth rots, whichever
the case may be.
Consequently, Kris Vallotton's failure to summon PAAH-KAAA was a costly
decision, in which he shares with his Facebook followers:
Woke up with intense toothache. So I never thought
I would say this but here it goes; I am thankful for the dentist! There,
I said it.
Yes, Kris Vallotton "said it," and I hope his followers on Facebook
read it and think, "Gee, I wonder why Kris didn't call on Bill Johnson
or Todd Bentley to sling him a new tooth through PAAH-KAAA's Prophetic
Tooth Fairy portal?"
But, unfortunately for Vallotton, summoning PAAH-KAAA the Prophetic
Tooth Fairy would have been a waste of time. It was in another town spreading
gold-colored pixy dust in and around air conditioner vents, and collecting
bird feathers from the local arts and crafts store to drop on and around
But, the dentist was in, and that's good, because dentists are more
reliable--and are, uh, real.