Kris Vallotton and the Prophetic Tooth Fairy
Where is PAAH-KAAA when you need it?
by Bud Press
November 29, 2011
In case you've been stranded on a desert island for the last few years, Kris Vallotton is one of the big cheeses at Bill Johnson's Bethel church in Redding, California. Like many hyper-Charismatics, Vallotton believes that he and his followers are to be totally free from, uh, sickness and disease, that is.
Well, based on Vallotton's November 24 Facebook comments, he not only suffers pain like everyone else, it appears that he forgot  to summon the Prophetic Tooth Fairy to deliver him from his own "intense" agony and pain.
By the way, if you're wondering what the Prophetic Tooth Fairy is, no one knows where it originated. However, exstensive research reveals that it likes to be called PAAH-KAAA (pronounced, PAAH-KAAA).
Anyway, as the not-so-believable story goes, PAAH-KAAA shows up out of nowhere at hyper-Charismatic churches and revivals, and turns dental fillings into gold--instead of, uh, replacing the entire tooth. That way, PAAH-KAAA can return and replace the gold filling with another gold filling when the original gold filling falls out--or the tooth rots, whichever the case may be.
Consequently, Kris Vallotton's failure to summon PAAH-KAAA was a costly decision, in which he shares with his Facebook followers:

    Woke up with intense toothache. So I never thought I would say this but here it goes; I am thankful for the dentist! There, I said it.

Yes, Kris Vallotton "said it," and I hope his followers on Facebook read it and think, "Gee, I wonder why Kris didn't call on Bill Johnson or Todd Bentley to sling him a new tooth through PAAH-KAAA's Prophetic Tooth Fairy portal?"

But, unfortunately for Vallotton, summoning PAAH-KAAA the Prophetic Tooth Fairy would have been a waste of time. It was in another town spreading gold-colored pixy dust in and around air conditioner vents, and collecting bird feathers from the local arts and crafts store to drop on and around hyper-Charismatics.

But, the dentist was in, and that's good, because dentists are more reliable--and are, uh, real.